|Forum: "Something to laugh about 2"
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erstellt: 09.07.2006 13:10:08
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a Great Loss..."
|Father and daughter...|| |
erstellt: 11.07.2006 12:19:46 geändert: 11.07.2006 12:21:03
Dear Mr. Cameron:
As a courtesy, we are sending you a copy of this letter we recently wrote your 15-year-old daughter in response to a query we received from her.
"Dear Ms Cameron:
Thank you for your letter. Yes, we are pleased to report, your father's old high school is still standing and our library was able to find yearbooks dating back to his graduation. In fact, a few teachers even remember your father, which I will get to in a moment.
In answer to your first question: In every picture existing of your father, he is well shod, wearing what I believe were called "earth shoes" back then. Also, the weather here is moderate with any snow generally lasting from December to March, hardly the entire school year. Thus, his descriptions of how he "struggled to school" in the mornings, do as you suggested seem a bit exaggerated. In fact, our bus logs are (remarkably) still intact and show that not only was your father a registered user, but that his parents paid an extra ten dollars a month for door to door delivery.
I am sure there were days your father was "sharply dressed" as he put it. However, in every single picture I was able to uncover, he was wearing the same thing: bell bottom jeans with white strings trailing onto the floor, horizontal rents in the knees, and no belt buckle. His T-shirt has a message on it that is easily communicated with hand gestures. His hair hangs below his shoulders and looks as if it were exposed to a lot of wind. Perhaps he rode the bus with the windows down.
As to academics and "concentrating on the basics", one must remember the times: the "basics" back then may very well have embraced some of your father's elective subjects, which included "Personal Citizenship,""Ecology", and one which apparently was called "Relevance". We have no record of what if anything was taught in these classes. What records we do have show that your father did indeed take Geometry, just as he claims. In fact, he took it his sophomore year, repeated it his junior year, and repeated the course again his senior year - Geometry was required for graduation.
Now, as to Mr. Muggins, who had your father in a class called "Problems of Modern Relationships", Mr. Muggins does not wish to dispute the claim that your father always had his homework done early, he merely wants to point out that no matter when it was done, it was always late.
In fact, he remembers your father as having the most outrageous excuses for not being prepared, including having to evacuate his house because it was infected with the China Syndrome.
Your father was not, sad to say, President of the Student Council. Perhaps he is confusing student government with a social group called "The Slackers" which was as Mr. Muggins recalls, a group of boys who sat in the hallways and made loud groaning noises when an attractive girl passed by. Your father was assistant vice president of this club and to our knowledge the only past member not currently serving time in a federal penitentiary.
One thing IS completely verifiable: Your father's name is, indeed, carved above the door to the school. Please be advised now that we have noticed it, it will be sanded out and refinished at a cost of $300. We would appreciate it if your father would pay for the damages without our having to engage a lawyer.
The honor roll to which he referred to is not hanging over the door, but on a wall outside my office. I will leave unanswered the question of whether his name is on it.
Thank you very much for your letter which we found most amusing. Mr. Muggins sends his regards to your father.
|How to Torture Your Teacher ....|| |
erstellt: 11.07.2006 20:20:48
by Bruce Lansky
Only raise your hand when
you want to sharpen your pencil
or go to the bathroom.
Repeat every ten minutes.
Never raise your hand
when you want to answer a question;
instead, yell, "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!"
and then, when the teacher calls on you,
say, "I forgot what I was going to say."
Lean your chair back,
take off your shoes, and
put your feet up on your desk.
Act surprised when the teacher
puts all four legs of your chair back on the floor.
Drop the eraser end of your pencil
on your desk.
See how high it will bounce.
Drop your books on the floor.
See how loud a noise you can make.
Get all your friends to join in.
Hold your nose,
make a face, and say, "P.U.!"
Fan the air away from your face,
and point to the kid in front of you.
On the last day of school,
lead your classmates in chanting:
"No more pencils!
No more books!
No more teachers’
Then, on your way out
the door, tell the teacher,
"Bet you’re looking forward
to summer vacation this year.
But I’ll sure miss you.
You’re the best teacher
I’ve ever had."
|Colloquialisms from the 16th Century (1)|| |
erstellt: 12.07.2006 16:32:19
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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