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Forum: "Something to laugh about 2"

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As dictated by doctors (4)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 08.07.2006 14:30:10

Considerable considerations should be considered.

The details of his outpatient treatment will not be summarized here, as they are well documented in a comprehensive copulation of his previous records.

The patient had equal movement in all her legs.

Mother realized she was pregnant at two months of age.

She has never been married and I think was divorced.

The patient was advised that if she could not awaken from sleep, she should call 911.

The baby was discharged to home after being given written and verbal instructions.

The patient's vision is 20.20 in both ears.

When asked which knee was operated on, he cannot recall, but he notes that whichever knee it was, he still has a problem with it.

Her implants were placed somewhere else.

She usually has a bowel movement three times a day following meals and diarrhea.


As dictated by doctors (5)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 08.07.2006 18:57:31

On examination, the testicles and penises are normal.

He has a long history of a short leg.

Testicles are missing on this woman.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.

If it weren't for the fact that the patient is dead, I would say he was in perfect health.

At this time he was felling trees, and in the process of a tree falling on another tree, he was hit by a tree and thrown face first against another tree.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient was bitten by a bat as he walked down the street on his thumb.

The left leg became numb at times and she walked it off.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year .


Accident?neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 09.07.2006 13:10:08

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a
tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a Great Loss..."


Sending flowersneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 10.07.2006 13:47:12

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said:
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying 'Congratulations on your new location'."


Father and daughter...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.07.2006 12:19:46 geändert: 11.07.2006 12:21:03

Dear Mr. Cameron:

As a courtesy, we are sending you a copy of this letter we recently wrote your 15-year-old daughter in response to a query we received from her.

"Dear Ms Cameron:

Thank you for your letter. Yes, we are pleased to report, your father's old high school is still standing and our library was able to find yearbooks dating back to his graduation. In fact, a few teachers even remember your father, which I will get to in a moment.

In answer to your first question: In every picture existing of your father, he is well shod, wearing what I believe were called "earth shoes" back then. Also, the weather here is moderate with any snow generally lasting from December to March, hardly the entire school year. Thus, his descriptions of how he "struggled to school" in the mornings, do as you suggested seem a bit exaggerated. In fact, our bus logs are (remarkably) still intact and show that not only was your father a registered user, but that his parents paid an extra ten dollars a month for door to door delivery.

I am sure there were days your father was "sharply dressed" as he put it. However, in every single picture I was able to uncover, he was wearing the same thing: bell bottom jeans with white strings trailing onto the floor, horizontal rents in the knees, and no belt buckle. His T-shirt has a message on it that is easily communicated with hand gestures. His hair hangs below his shoulders and looks as if it were exposed to a lot of wind. Perhaps he rode the bus with the windows down.

As to academics and "concentrating on the basics", one must remember the times: the "basics" back then may very well have embraced some of your father's elective subjects, which included "Personal Citizenship,""Ecology", and one which apparently was called "Relevance". We have no record of what if anything was taught in these classes. What records we do have show that your father did indeed take Geometry, just as he claims. In fact, he took it his sophomore year, repeated it his junior year, and repeated the course again his senior year - Geometry was required for graduation.
Now, as to Mr. Muggins, who had your father in a class called "Problems of Modern Relationships", Mr. Muggins does not wish to dispute the claim that your father always had his homework done early, he merely wants to point out that no matter when it was done, it was always late.
In fact, he remembers your father as having the most outrageous excuses for not being prepared, including having to evacuate his house because it was infected with the China Syndrome.

Your father was not, sad to say, President of the Student Council. Perhaps he is confusing student government with a social group called "The Slackers" which was as Mr. Muggins recalls, a group of boys who sat in the hallways and made loud groaning noises when an attractive girl passed by. Your father was assistant vice president of this club and to our knowledge the only past member not currently serving time in a federal penitentiary.

One thing IS completely verifiable: Your father's name is, indeed, carved above the door to the school. Please be advised now that we have noticed it, it will be sanded out and refinished at a cost of $300. We would appreciate it if your father would pay for the damages without our having to engage a lawyer.

The honor roll to which he referred to is not hanging over the door, but on a wall outside my office. I will leave unanswered the question of whether his name is on it.

Thank you very much for your letter which we found most amusing. Mr. Muggins sends his regards to your father.




....neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: bernstein Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.07.2006 13:04:26

His T-shirt has a message on it that is easily communicated with hand gestures.

köstlich, köstlich.....


How to Torture Your Teacher ....neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.07.2006 20:20:48

by Bruce Lansky


Only raise your hand when
you want to sharpen your pencil
or go to the bathroom.
Repeat every ten minutes.

Never raise your hand
when you want to answer a question;
instead, yell, "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!"
and then, when the teacher calls on you,
say, "I forgot what I was going to say."

Lean your chair back,
take off your shoes, and
put your feet up on your desk.
Act surprised when the teacher
puts all four legs of your chair back on the floor.

Drop the eraser end of your pencil
on your desk.
See how high it will bounce.

Drop your books on the floor.
See how loud a noise you can make.

Hum.
Get all your friends to join in.

Hold your nose,
make a face, and say, "P.U.!"
Fan the air away from your face,
and point to the kid in front of you.

On the last day of school,
lead your classmates in chanting:
"No more pencils!
No more books!
No more teachers’
dirty looks!"

Then, on your way out
the door, tell the teacher,
"Bet you’re looking forward
to summer vacation this year.
But I’ll sure miss you.
You’re the best teacher
I’ve ever had."

Siebengscheit




WORDSneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.07.2006 23:00:48


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


Colloquialisms from the 16th Century (1)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 12.07.2006 16:32:19


In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.


Wowneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ines Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 12.07.2006 21:41:09

Das mit Golf wusst ich nicht! Interessant! Aber da stellt sich ja meine emanzipatorische Ader gleich auf Rebellion um oder einfach ein weiterer Grund, diesen Sport eigentümlich zu finden.
Danke klexel für diese infos.


PS: Du solltest das Forum von "Something" in "A lot to"-laugh umbenennen! Wäre bei der Fülle zutreffender!
ines


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