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Forum: "Something to laugh about 2"

Bitte beachte die Netiquette! Doppeleinträge werden von der Redaktion gelöscht.

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Room serviceneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 23.07.2006 11:51:52


Telephone Exchange between Roomservice and Guest in an Asian Hotel

(Read it loud and don’t think too much about what you’re reading…)

Room-service(RS) : "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest:(G) "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
RS: "Rye....Ruin sorbees....morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh....yes....I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow july den?"
G: "What?"
RS: "Ow july den?....pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please"
RS: "Ow july dee bayhcem....crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An san tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July san tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes'
means"
RS: "Toes! Toes!....why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'. Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine"
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No....just put it on the side"
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter....just put it on the side"
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy....tea....mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all"
RS: "One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome".


Short Math Testneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 23.07.2006 11:57:54 geändert: 23.07.2006 11:59:06

At the end of this message, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately.Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.This is a fun "test"... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you.

Now... just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind.
You'll be surprised.

Start:
How much is:
15 + 6
3 + 56
89 + 2
12 + 53
75 + 26
25 + 52
63 + 32

I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over.
Come on, one more...
123 + 5
QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL!


Scroll further to the bottom...
A bit more...











You just thought about a red hammer, didn't you?If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different,if not abnormal, mind.98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.


Siebengscheit


@ siebengscheitneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 23.07.2006 23:15:56 geändert: 24.07.2006 00:17:01

HELP!!!! I've got an abnormal mind!!!!!
Who can help me????


And now to something completely different...

BUSH DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Bush announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia.The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names pronounceable.

"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Bush said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their incomprehensible names.The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble endeavour."

The deployment, dubbed "Operation Vowel Storm" by the State Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the first recipients.Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over 500 24 count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.Vanna White will parachute down with this first deployment as the US "Vowel Ambassador".

Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels."My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said."I have six children and none of them has a name that is pronounceable by me or to anyone else. Mr. Bush, please send my poor, wretched family just one 'E.' Please."

Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I could be George Humphries.This is my dream."

The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign country since 1984.During the summer of that year, the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's. The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the letters were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting warlords who sold them to wealthier sister-nations via the black-letter market.



sonst auch auf der Schieneneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ines Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 24.07.2006 01:35:35

der Abnormalität, aber mein Hammer war rot!
Wäre interessant was bei G.Bush rauskäme....
abgesehen von den vielen Rechenfehlern

lg ins krchlr(bosnian version) or ie ae(ethiopian version)-jaja klexel was du alles ausgräbst!


The creation according to Microsoftneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 24.07.2006 13:09:44 geändert: 24.07.2006 13:27:18

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
c:\ Let there be light!
Enter user id.
c:\ God
Enter password.
c:\ Omniscient
Password incorrect. Try again.
c:\ Omnipotent
Password incorrect. Try again.
c:\ Technocrat
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
c:\ Let there be light!
Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:\ Create light
Done
c:\ Run heaven and earth
And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
c:\ Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:\ Create firmament
Done.
c:\ Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
c:\ Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear and
Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
c:\ Create dry_land
Done.
c:\ Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
c:\ Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
Unspecified type. Try again.
c:\ Create sun_moon_stars
Done
c:\ Run sun_moon_stars
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
c:\ Create fish
Done
c:\ Create fowl
Done
c:\ Run fish, fowl
And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature
that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every
winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
c:\ Create cattle
Done
c:\ Create creepy_things
Done
c:\ Now let us make man in our image
Unspecified type. Try again.
c:\ Create man
Done
c:\ Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and sudue it and
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and
over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
Too many command operands. Try again.
c:\ Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 6 errors.
c:\ Insert breath
Done
c:\ Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 5 errors.
c:\ Move man to Garden of Eden
File Garden of Eden does not exist.
c:\ Create Garden.edn
Done
c:\ Move man to Garden.edn
Done
c:\ Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 4 errors.
c:\ Copy woman from man
Done
c:\ Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 2 errors.
c:\ Create desire
Done
c:\ Run multiplication
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:\ Create freewill
Done
c:\ Run freewill
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:\ Undo desire
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
c:\ Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:\ Help
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:\ Create tree_of_knowledge
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:\ Create good, evil
Done
c:\ Activate evil
And God saw he had created shame.
Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1
errors.
c:\ Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
Search failed.
c:\ Delete shame
Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
c:\ Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:\ Stop
Unrecognizable command. Try again
c:\ Break
c:\ Break
c:\ Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
c:\ Create new world
You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files
before new ones can be created.
c:\ Destroy earth
Destroy earth: Please confirm.
c:\ Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.


In the old days...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 24.07.2006 19:29:16

A COMPUTER WAS SOMETHING ON TV
FROM A SCIENCE FICTION SHOW
A WINDOW WAS SOMETHING YOU HATED TO CLEAN....
AND RAM WAS THE COUSIN OF A GOAT.....
MEG WAS THE NAME OF MY GIRLFRIEND
AND GIG WAS YOUR MIDDLE FINGER UPRIGHT
NOW THEY ALL MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS
AND THAT REALLY MEGA BYTES

AN APPLICATION WAS FOR EMPLOYMENT
A PROGRAM WAS A TV SHOW
A CURSOR USED PROFANITY
A KEYBOARD WAS A PIANO
MEMORY WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU LOST WITH AGE
A CD WAS A BANK ACCOUNT
AND IF YOU HAD A 3 ½" FLOPPY
YOU HOPED NOBODY FOUND OUT

COMPRESS WAS SOMETHING YOU DID TO THE GARBAGE
NOT SOMETHING YOU DID TO A FILE
AND IF YOU UNZIPPED ANYTHING IN PUBLIC
YOU'D BE IN JAIL FOR A WHILE
LOG ON WAS ADDING WOOD TO THE FIRE
HARD DRIVE WAS A LONG TRIP ON THE ROAD
A MOUSE PAD WAS WHERE A MOUSE LIVED
AND A BACKUP HAPPENED TO YOUR COMMODE

CUT YOU DID WITH A POCKET KNIFE
PASTE YOU DID WITH GLUE
A WEB WAS A SPIDER'S HOME
AND A VIRUS WAS THE FLU
I GUESS I'LL STICK TO MY PAD AND PAPER
AND THE MEMORY IN MY HEAD
I HEAR NOBODY'S BEEN KILLED IN A COMPUTER CRASH
BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS THEY WISH THEY WERE DEAD







Oh Gott, diese Amis...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 25.07.2006 14:33:00 geändert: 25.07.2006 15:40:17

Egal, ob es echt ist oder ein Fake, es könnte ernst gemeint sein

FRANCE
From a CIA type Fact Book information on France

France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Eurodisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times.

THE PEOPLE
France has a population of 57 million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 5 million are small children). All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently on line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and disciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier recognition.

SAFETY
In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally, the French surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before.
A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London during future German invasions.

HISTORY
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.

GOVERNMENT
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a draw. The French love administration so for government purposes the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes, villages, cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and elections. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower, though confusingly they are both on the ground floor, and whose members are either Gaullists or Communists, neither of whom should be trusted by the traveler. Parliament's principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the south Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain. According to the most current American state department intelligence, the President is now someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

CULTURE
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.

CUISINE
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to
cheeseburgers.

ECONOMY
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
France has more holidays than any other nation in theworld. Among its 361 national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napoleon sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest of the World Stinks" Days.

CONCLUSION
At least it's not Germany.



a complete military history of Franceneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: rhauda Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 25.07.2006 15:13:49



Au weia!!neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 25.07.2006 15:20:36

Aber so vereinfacht versteh sogar ich Geschichte


THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY....neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 26.07.2006 11:36:11

...check it out these actual cases.

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
___________________________________________

Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them.
They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
______________________________________________
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
_____________________________________________
Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________
STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
____________________________________________

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?

Siebengscheit


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