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Forum: "Something to laugh 3"

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Whose job ...?neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 12.08.2006 16:56:24

This is the story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody´s job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn´t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody
when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Siebengscheit


Confuciousneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.08.2006 20:19:14

Confucius say: Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls, no walk.

Confucius say: Man who spends time at cathouse spends night in dog house.

Confucius say: Man who lay down with dogs, wakes up with fleas.

Confucius say: Virgin like balloon. One prick, and all gone.

Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Confucius say: Man who lives in glass house, change clothes in basement.


Amusing things said about chocolate.neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 14.08.2006 13:36:05

These curiosities may be more entertaining than useful.

- As a result of a misspelling cacao became cocoa throughout the English-speaking world, where cacao refers to the tree that grows the melon-shaped pods. Inside the cacao pods are the beans that are the main ingredient for chocolate. Technically, they are cacao beans, but they are known throughout the cocoa industry as cocoa beans. The powder that is made from the beans is also called cocoa. If that is not enough there is a city east of Orlando, Flor-ida in the USA named Cocoa as well.

- Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, a naturally occurring amino-acid which is considered having aphrodisiacal effects and is even said to be able to "cure" hangovers. Phenylethyl-amine is a substance which is released naturally in the human body when you're in love. As an alternative to antidepressants, which prevent the body's own phenylethylamine from breaking down, some people could get the dosage from eating dark chocolate. Other stimu-lants present in chocolate are dopamine and serotonin, which alleviate pain and encourage a good mood.

- Cocoa beans were a currency in Pre-Colombian Mesoamerica. You could buy a rabbit for 4 cocoa beans, the services of a prostitute for 10 beans and a wife or a medium quality slave for 100. Counterfeiters used to drill small holes in the beans and fill them with dirt.
- During the Anglo-Boer War (1899-1902) Queen Victoria sent specially produced chocolates as a New Years gift for her soldiers, all the way from Great Britain to southernmost Africa.
- In the 16th century the English once hijacked a Spanish merchant vessel carrying un-roasted cocoa beans they considered them so disgusting that they threw the entire cargo overboard. Roasting is a crucial part in the manufacturing process and develops flavor and aroma.

- The actress Katherine Hepburn confessed to be a so called chocoholic. She could eat 1 pound of chocolate a day and as an answer to the secret to her longevity she responded: - "A pound of chocolate a day, a healthy regular diet, and plenty of exercise."

- Praline is a confectionary made by heating together a mixture of almonds or nuts and sugar until it turns to a brown liquid which usually is coated with chocolate. A Swedish pralin is a confectionary dipped in chocolate and filled with for example soft chocolate nougat, marzi-pan, fruits or liqueur. The word derives from the name of the French marshal and count César du Plessis-Praslin, duke of Choiseul, who lived during the 17th century and whose cook invented this sweet to please his master. In France a praline is a candied nut or al-mond. In Belgian French the word praline means the same as in English. If you want the same in France you must ask for a praliné.

- During World War II the American soldiers were given three chocolate bars as part of their daily ration, each one containing 600 Kcal. Chocolate turned out to be an important source of nutrition that could easily be consumed during combat and has been used by the American forces ever since. Together with Hershey they improved the heat-resistant chocolate to with-stand the hot sun during Desert Storm in the Gulf War. These chocolate bars remain solid at temperatures up to 60°C (140°F).

- Chocolate, cocoa and cacao contains theobromine, a stimulant substance that reminds of caffeine, however without its addictive effect. Theobromine itself is a bitter volatile alkaloid which is mildly stimulating and diuretic, and because of its ability to dilate blood vessels it is also used to treat high blood pressure. Theobromine also relaxes the smooth muscles of the bronchi in the lungs and according to a British study in 2004 scientists found theobromine to be nearly a third more effective in stopping persistent coughs than the leading medicine co-deine. The volunteers were given the amount of theobromine equivalent to two cups of chocolate, which not only proved more effective than codeine, but was also found to have no side effects.
BBC News, November 25th, 2004.

- Everyone doesn’t react as positive on theobromine. Cocoa and chocolate products may be toxic or lethal to dogs and some other domestic animals because they metabolize theobro-mine slower than humans. It is the fine dark chocolate with a high content of cocoa which is the most dangerous one and a 100g (3,5 oz) chocolate bar can be enough to poison a little dog. Milk chocolate contains less theobromine and is therefore less poisonous.

- In 1624 Johan Franciscus Rauch, a professor in Vienna, condemned chocolate as an in-flamer of passions and urged monks not to drink it as he wanted to ban it in the monasteries.

- It is said that Madame du Barry, courtesan and mistress of Louis XV, always served her lovers a cup of chocolat before they were let in to her bedroom, and that the great lover and alchemist Casanova, who drank his cioccolata at Cafe Florian in Venice, considered choco-late more stimulating than champagne.

- American researchers have in a study found that 46 grams of dark chocolate containing 70 percent cocoa a day helps blood vessels expand, which in turn decreases the risk of heart attacks, strokes and diseases linked to poor circulation. Another positive effect is that dark chocolate also helps lower blood cholesterol levels, according to the results published by the magazine Journal of American College of Nutrition. Chocolate contains phenols and fla-vonoids, chemical substances that facilitate blood circulation and lower the risk of heart dis-eases and vascular disorder.
BBC News, June 1st, 2004.
Journal of the American College of Nutrition, No. 3, 2004.

- A chocolate bar contains more calcium, protein and B2 vitamin than a banana or an orange.
- Chocolate contains tannins that counteract an enzyme that causes caries and the fat pre-vents the sugar from sticking on the teeth. Chocolate also contains calcium and fluoride which in their turn strengthen the teeth and fight cavities.
- Three breweries have chocolate flavors beer in their selections. The first one was Young’s with their Double Chocolate Stout and now the Danish brewery giant Carlsberg is releasing its peer Criollo Stout. Sweden also has its own "chocolate beer" in the shape of a stout brewed in the small brewery in Bredaryd. This beer was selected "the best beer in Europe" amongst 300 labels at a major European beer festival. USA also has a sought after brew called Black Chocolate Stout made by Brooklyn Brewery.

- In the Bayern health resort Bad Birnbach chocolate is considered a healthy treatment for the skin. They offer salutary baths in chocolate, which proves to moisturize dry skin. Order a Schokolade ohne Reue and you'll have the pleasure of being soaked from top to toe in a chocolate body treatment under the open sky while listening to relaxing music. Chocolate has considerable skin care qualities and also leaves your body with a chocolate fragrance for several hours.
- According to the American writer Nika Standen Hazelton: "Chocolate in blue wrapper won't sell in Shanghai or Hong Kong because the Chinese associate blue with death. Neither Swiss nor Germans like girl pictures on their chocolate packages, but want a realistic repro-duction of the contents."

- A collection of recipes made by an Italian priest during the 18th century shows the Italians when it comes to the field of application for chocolate. Among the recipes are: Fried choco-late dipped liver, Chocolate pudding with veal and candied fruit, Chocolate soup and Choco-late polenta.

- Two countries in the world illustrate the importance of cacao by displaying it on their na-tional coat of arms, Fiji and Ghana. Fiji's national coat of arms bears a shield with an image of a British heraldic lion holding a cocoa pod across the top of a red St. George's cross. This shield is also featured on Fiji's national flag. The coat of arms of Ghana consists of a shield divided into four quarters by a green St. George's cross. The bottom left quarter displays a cocoa tree representing the agricultural wealth of the country.

- In Denmark they reason like this: Chokolade is obtained from cocoa beans. Beans are vegetables. Sugar is extracted from sugarcane. Both beans and canes are vegetables, con-sequently chocolate is a vegetable!

...und jetzt ein Stückchen Schokolade langsam im Mund zergehen lassen - mmmmhhhhh
Siebengscheit


Medicareneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 14.08.2006 18:42:40

Heartworm is an infectious, life-threatening, cardiovascular disease spread by misquotes.

The doctor told me to take it easy until the stitches were out and that there would be a permanent scare.

The first thing they do when a baby is born is to cut its biblical cord.

To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into your nose until it drops down into your throat.

To guard against heart attacks, I need to get my castor oil levels checked.

Itching of the virginia and minstrel cramps during administration ...

Mental pause can cause one to become a maniac depressive and act like a cyclopath.

She had been really sick and fell into a comma for six months.

The girl was in hospital having her utensils removed.

I had an infection after the operation and was on antibiotics for two weeks. There were still some minor pains in my testicles, but they disappeared.

The Daily Targum, "As soon as Eikenberry, former L.A. Law star, discovered a lump on her breast in 1984, she knew it was cancer. The first doctor that Eikenberry consulted immediately recommended a radical vasectomy, the removal of the entire breast."


More chocolateneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.08.2006 00:19:31

Chocolate

1. If you got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so you can eat as many as you want.

3. The problem: how to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it all in the parking lot.

4. Diet tip. Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

5. If I eat equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?

6. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

7. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Conclusion, you need to eat more chocolate.

8. Put "eat chocolate" on the top of your list of things to do today. That way you'll get one thing done.

9. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place.

10. If you can't eat all of your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

11. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?



... To exercise the brainneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.08.2006 11:04:42

...is as important as to exercise the muscles.
As we grew older, it's important that we keep mentally alert.

The saying, "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so....

...take the following test and determine if you are losing it....

OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin:

1. What do you put in a toaster?





The answer is "bread". If you said "toast", then give up now and do anything else.
Try not to hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to question 2.


2. Say "Silk" five times. Now spell "silk".
What does a cow drink?





Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question.
Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World".
If you said "water" the proceed to question 3.


3. If a red house is made from red bricks
and a blue house is made from blue bricks
and a pink house is made from pink bricks
and a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a greenhouse made from?





Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?
If you said "glass", then go to question 4.


4.Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20.000 feet over Germany.
If you will recall, Germany at that time was politically divided into West Germany
and East Germany.
Anyway, during the flight, two of the engines fail.
The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash
landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has the time and the
plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East - and West
Germany.
Where would you bury the survivors?



Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.
If you said, "don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.


5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then how many
degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?




Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.


6. Without using a calculator!
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.
In London, 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
In Swindon, two people set off and four get on.
In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on and in Carmanthen,
6 people get off ant three get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?




Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU, you dummy....the very first line says that you're driving the bus.

Siebengscheit


I gotneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.08.2006 11:11:50

everything right --- but I didn't remember my own name!!
What's wrong with me?? I need more vacation, I guess!


25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.08.2006 14:33:44

25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP...

1. Your potted plants are alive.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to." replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".
23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you.



A short one...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.08.2006 18:39:47

Beauty of English...

Try filling this blank with Yes or No.


________,I am not a human.

and


The Maths of Lifeneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.08.2006 19:11:42

The Maths of Life!


Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = preganancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee =profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


A man will pay 2$ for a 1$ item that he needs.

A woman will pay 1$ for a 2$ item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A sucessful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, and she does.

Author Unknown



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