ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.


It took a while, but then....

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.

Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

Anyone can get a good looking dog.

Dogs don't care if you haven't taken a shower in days.

Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

Dogs think every meal you cook is just perfect.

Dogs don't keep wearing your favorite clothes on the nights you need them.

Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've had.

and last but not least...

Dogs even find you amusing when you're drunk!

ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience... and could you do it right now?

TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.

GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?

CANCER: Dear God!!!

LEO: Yes?

VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time.

LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?

SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don't deserve it!

SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.

CAPRICORN: Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!

AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!

PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.

.....

If rain falls on a corpse, the deceased will go to heaven.

Thunder following a funeral means that the dead person's soul has reached heaven.

You will have bad luck if you do not stop the clock in the room wheresomeone dies.

If your rose blooms twice in the same year, it brings death.

If a cow moos after midnight, it is an evil omen.

If you prick your finger on the thorn of a red rose that looks black, you will die.

A white moth inside the house or trying to enter means death.

To see a tree blooming out of season means death as does dreaming of a white horse.

Hearing a hen crow means death, unless you kill the hen.

If a hearse stops while passing your house, it will choose its next victim from your house.

If the coffee grounds in the bottom of a cup form a long, straight line,anticipate a funeral.

Dropping an umbrella on the floor means that there will be a murder in the house.

A diamond-shaped fold in clean linen portends death.

On Turning Fifty (-...)
Today I turned fifty(-...). I feel really good.
My body's still working quite well thanks. (Touch wood!)
My hair's not too grey, my wrinkles are few,
I can still touch my toes with my knuckles. (Can you?)
I'm quite full of vigour, just getting ripe.
(But they now print the phone book in much smaller type.)
My hearing's still good. What's that you say?
Speak clearly, don't mumble, your voice wafts away.
Inside this old body I'm still young, but then
If life starts at forty, I'm really just ten.

Siebengscheit

It's bad luck to walk under a ladder. This came from the early Christian belief that a leaning ladder formed a triangle with the wall and ground. You must never violate the Holy Trinity by walking through a triangle, lest you be considered in league with the devil. (And you all know what good Christians did to people they suspected of being in league with the devil.)


Beware of Friday the Thirteenth. Those who know about these things, inform us that Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden on a Friday, Noah's flood started on a Friday, and Christ was crucified on a Friday. Christians also noted that twelve witches plus one devil are present at Satanic ceremonies so Friday and 13 make a deadly combination.


God Bless You. During the sixth century, it was customary to congratulate people who sneezed because they were expelling evil from their bodies. Later, when a great plague took hold of Europe, and people began sneezing violently, the Pope passed a law. Since sneezing meant that the person was going to die of plague, people were required to bless the sneezer.

Don't spill the salt. Although some people believe that Judas spilt salt during the last supper, this claim can't be proven. Salt was a very precious expensive commodity in the middle ages. It was also used for medicinal purposes. If you spilled any, you must immediately throw it over your left shoulder to strike the nasty spirits in the eye, thus preventing sickness.

Wear a St. Christopher Medal when you travel. Historians don't believe there ever was a Saint Christopher.

Black cats are evil. In ancient Egypt, the Goddess Bast, was a black female cat. Christian priests wanted to wipe out all traces of other religions so convinced their ignorant followers to destroy the evil demons that were black cats. While they were at it, they destroyed the kindly little old ladies who cared for the cats believing them to be witches.

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home. It is bad luck to kill a ladybug because it represents the Virgin Mary.

Pie In The Sky. Of course, this means to search for the impossible dream but it originated in the early 1900's. A famous labor organizer named Joe Hill was extremely critical of the clergy's treatment of slaves. He wrote a tune called 'The Preacher and the Slave" accusing the clergy of making false promises of a better life in heaven while people starved on earth. The song goes: 'Work and pray, live on hay. You'll get pie in the sky when you die. That's a lie!'

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is
wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally
conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in
"fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you
were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an
earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few
minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have
you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

Tough luck!!

Skin Of Your Teeth. This saying means to barely escape from a harrowing situation. It comes from Job 19:20, where God inflicts all sorts of terrible things on one of those who love him. Poor Job had all his animals stolen, his children die, his house collapse and his body covered with sores. Job has this to say; "My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth."

Fleshpot. - Today 'fleshpot' describes decadence. In the time of Moses, it was a large pot in which to boil meat. Somehow, preachers managed to change the meaning to scare their flock about 'sins of the flesh'.

To make a scapegoat. - The poor scapegoat gets the punishment for everyone else's mistakes. God condoned this cruelty to animals in Leviticus 16:7-10 "And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one lot for the Lord, and the other for the scapegoat." The scapegoat got to escape, and carry the tribe's sins into the wilderness, to be eaten by some animal instead of being offered alive as a sacrifice for the Lord.