Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $500 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $500 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

Lesson 3
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 4
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

http://www.4teachers.de/url/676

http://www.4teachers.de/url/678

WEIRD LAWS

Believe it or not, these laws are on the books in the United States of America:

In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
In Eureka, Nevada men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
In Omaha, Nebraska, if a child burps during a church service his/her parents may be arrested.
In Montana, it is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.
In Gary, Indiana, it is illegal to attend the theatre within four hours of eating garlic.
In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
In Chicago, Illinois, it is illegal to fish in pajamas.
In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.
In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
In Miami, Florida it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
In Sarasota, Florida it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
In Utah, the husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
In Wisconsin, it is illegal to cut a woman's hair or to kiss on a train.
In Mesquite, Texas it is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts.
In Oklahoma, people who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and jailed.
In Cleveland, Ohio, women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
In Asheville, North Carolina, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets.
Hornytown, North Carolina has banned all massage parlors.

http://www.4teachers.de/url/872

Sorry, der Link klappt nicht so gut. Ich hatte eigentlich die "music" - Seite verlinken wollen, aber es befindet sich fast alles auf EINER Seite, und man muss endlos scrollen und suchen. Schade.
Außerdem wird man erstmal mit Werbung vollgemüllt.

...just received from a friend..


1. Geography of a Woman

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia.
She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with
countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

2. The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

What's in an acronym?

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their professions

The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE..ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.

The second guys says "I'm a DINK..ya know, Double Income No Kids."

They asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied...."I'm a WIFE...ya know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

_{got it via eMail today}

Received via email...

1. THINGY
Female..... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE
Female..... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION
Female..... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male..... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE
Female..... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male..... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE
Female..... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL
Female..... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male..... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down
when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad
you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I
misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that
McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to
church every Sunday.

I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and I
figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to
leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal
McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments,
I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without your
hat than burn in Hell, right?"

Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left my hat."

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