Na gut, ich mach ja schon weiter...

·Today is the day for decisive action! ... Or is it?

·I used to think I was indecisive ... but now I am not sure.

·The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

·Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

·Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve.

oSuccess is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.

·For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

Cole's Law....brilliant!

1.Alarms: What an octopus is.

2.Autobiography: A history of cars

3.Belong: To take your time

4.Carpet: A dog who enjoys riding in an automobile

5.Cellphones: What prisoners use to call each other

6.Dogma: A mother dog

7.Handicap: A ready-to-use hat

8.Ketchup: What the runners behind in a race want to do

9.Minimum: A very small mother

10.Subordinate Clauses: Santa's helpers

Palindrome: from the Greek meaning to race again. It is a word, phrase or sentence
which reads the same backwards as forwards:


DID ANNA SEE BEES? ANNA DID.

SUN AT NOON, TAN US.

A TOYOTA! RACE FAST, SAFE CAR. A TOYOTA.

A MAN, A PLAN, A CANAL: PANAMA!

AH, SATAN SEES NATASHA.

DAMMIT, I’M MAD!

DID I DO, O GOD, DID I AS I SAID I’D DO? GOOD, I DID.

DO GEESE SEE GOD?

DON’T NOD.

EMIL, A SLEEPY BABY PEELS A LIME.

EVE DAMNED EDEN, MAD EVE.

I’M, ALAS, A SALAMI.

MA IS AS SELFLESS AS I AM.

MEN, I’M EMINEM.

STRESSED? NO TIPS? SPIT ON DESSERTS!

WON’T LOVERS REVOLT NOW?

YAWN A MORE ROMAN WAY

MADAM

STEP ON NO PETS

BEAUTIFUL STORY!


An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied: a can of peaches. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, " 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. He said, " What is it? "

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."


Siebengscheit

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Natalie," the man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Natalie," was the man's reply.
Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Natalie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie.
Natalie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded and Natalie and he went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Gianluigi Canelloni
Via Appia 145 Roma


To
The Manager
YMCA Hotel
London
UK
Roma, 28 aprilia 2006

Signore Direttore,

Now I am tella you story wot I was a–treated at your hotella.

I am a–comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a–younga Christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed – how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella: »I wanta shit.« They tella me »Go to toilet.« I say »No, no, I wanta shit in my bed.« They say: »You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna–wa bitch.«

What is a sonna–wa–bitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante. I order bacon and eggs and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point to toast: »I wanta piss.« She tella me: »Go to toilet.«
I say: »No, no, I wanta piss on the plate.« She then say to me: »You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna–wa–bitch.«

That is the second person who do not even know me calla me sonna–wa–bitch, and why is your staff replying »Go to toilet«, is that a modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me!

Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: »I wanta fock.« And she tella me: »Sure, everyone wanta fock.« I tella her: »No, no, you do not under-stand me. I wanta fock on the table.« She tella me: »So you sonna–wa–bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!«
How comma this Christian hotella treat the guest in such bad manner?

So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the a–billa the portier say to me: »Thank you, and piss on you.« I say: »Piss on you too, you sonna–wa–bitch, I now go back to Italy.«
Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna–wa–bitch.

Sincerely

Gianluigi Canelloni

1.Some folks have it, some don't.

2.Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

3.Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

4.Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

5.Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (email envy).

6.It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

7.In the past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

8.If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

9.If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

10.We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

11.If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in a whole lot of trouble.