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Forum: "Something to laugh about"

Bitte beachte die Netiquette! Doppeleinträge werden von der Redaktion gelöscht.

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Exam Jokes...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 10.06.2006 20:29:29




Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at
Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !


Teacher: You copies from Fred's exam paper
didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know"
and you have put "Me, neither" !



Father: How were the exam questions ?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy ?
Son: The questions didn't give me any
trouble, just the answers !



Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on
this test !
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark
I could give you !


Father: Why did you get such a low score in
that test ?
Son: Absence !
Father: You were absent on the day of the test ?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was !

Grüßle Siebengscheit


Kommt uns das bekannt vor..???neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.06.2006 10:48:24


You Might be in Education If

1.You believe the staff room should have a valium salt lick.

2.You find humor in other people's stupidity.

3.You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."

4.You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

5.You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.

6.You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."

7.When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

8.Marking all A's on the report card would make your life SOOOO much simpler.

9.When you mention "vegetables" and you're not talking about a food group.

10.You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

11.You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.

12.You really encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.

13.You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would NEVER DREAM of doing your job.

14.You can't have children of your own, because there is NO name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.

15.Meeting a child's parents INSTANTLY answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

16.Or if you think government can do a better job of education, for less money, than private enterprise or home school.


Great!!neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ishaa Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.06.2006 12:33:29

No doubt, I am in education!
Where can you buy a valium salt lick???

ishaa


@ishaaneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.06.2006 21:34:05

Sorry, das weiß ich leider auch nicht. Aber ich stelle mir die Situation gerade vor:
Große Pause, und 10 Leute hängen im Lehrerzimmer mit der Zunge am Leckstein...


Double negativeneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.06.2006 22:41:12


A world-famous professor of linguistics is giving the umpteenth successive lecture on his favourite topic - the structure of negative sentences. The class is not altogether with him, but he sails on, and eventually comes to his grand conclusion.

"And so we see that all languages have a negative, and in most a double negative has the effect of creating a positive. In fact there are only a very few, such as Spanish and Hungarian, in which doubling the negative has the effect of emphasising the negative. But most interesting of all" (and here he pauses for dramatic effect) "we know of no language in which a double positive amounts to a negative".

At which point a very bored voice is heard from the back of the lecture hall.

"Yeah. Right."


College Examneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 12.06.2006 16:04:40 geändert: 12.06.2006 16:06:18


College Entrance Exam - Football Player Version -

Time Limit: 3 Weeks

1.What language is spoken in France?

2.Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3.Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY

4.What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
(check only one)

5.Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6.What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7.How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8.What are people in America's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9.Spell-Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush:
Carter:
Clinton:

10.Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11.Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12.Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13.What are coat hangers used for?

14.The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15.Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16.Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17.Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18.Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19.What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20.The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
(a) B.C.
(b) A.D.

Name:

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify


Brüller!neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: rhauda Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 12.06.2006 18:22:11

Wird im nächsten Test eine meiner Fragen:

Can you explain xyz?

(0) yes
(0) no


Cambridge Examinations and Profs with a Sense of Humourneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: rhauda Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 12.06.2006 18:38:27

Cake and Ale

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale".

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.


LOLneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: lady_kedavra Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.06.2006 09:40:44

Fantastisch! Ich hab selten so gelacht
ich werd mal seh ob ich auch was finde!


Shortening your sentences..neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.06.2006 13:42:23


The following sequence was heard from a parked car.

"Oh George please do not!"
"Oh George please do!"
"Oh George please!"
"Oh George!"
"OH!"



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