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Forum: "Something to laugh about 2"

Bitte beachte die Netiquette! Doppeleinträge werden von der Redaktion gelöscht.

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...etwas für "maths-freaks"...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 19.06.2006 19:27:07

All numbers are equal
Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then

a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.


@klexel: Ich wart' noch mal mit der Auflösung - vielleicht hat ja noch jemand eine Idee

Siebengscheit


...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 20.06.2006 08:54:19

REALLY FUNNY SCIENCE EXAMPLES
These are actual excerpts from student science exam papers:
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.

To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them per-spire.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.

The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Schönen Tag noch Siebengscheit


Excuse Notes DeLuxe (2)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 20.06.2006 15:17:45 geändert: 20.06.2006 15:20:06

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.


Excuse Note DeLuxe (3)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 21.06.2006 15:10:33 geändert: 21.06.2006 15:12:11

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.




;-)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 22.06.2006 20:32:20

Dear Doctor Science,
Is there a reason for not ending a sentence with a preposition that you can think of?


-- John Mostrom from Seattle, WA


I must admit I don't know where you're coming from. Correct usage in English and Science is something I've devoted my whole life to.
Of course, if I say anything you can't understand, it will just become a new hammer you can try to hit me or another expert over the head with. There are plenty of people like you I can't hope to change the mind of. But then, I've dealt with people like you before. People who don't really want to learn, but just hope to find someone they can publicly disagree with. There's little I can say that your type won't find something to object to. But getting back to your question, no, there's really no reason for not ending a sentence with a preposition, at least none I can think of.

-Ask Dr. Science




;-)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 22.06.2006 20:33:11

Dear Doctor Science,
Is there a reason for not ending a sentence with a preposition that you can think of?


-- John Mostrom from Seattle, WA


I must admit I don't know where you're coming from. Correct usage in English and Science is something I've devoted my whole life to.
Of course, if I say anything you can't understand, it will just become a new hammer you can try to hit me or another expert over the head with. There are plenty of people like you I can't hope to change the mind of. But then, I've dealt with people like you before. People who don't really want to learn, but just hope to find someone they can publicly disagree with. There's little I can say that your type won't find something to object to. But getting back to your question, no, there's really no reason for not ending a sentence with a preposition, at least none I can think of.

-Ask Dr. Science




Anatomy Classneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ishaa Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 22.06.2006 22:55:46 geändert: 23.06.2006 19:57:05

First-year students at Med school were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered round the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "the second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention."


...Sorry...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 23.06.2006 08:48:27

- bei allen blonden 4ts, aber trotzdem...

She was Soooooooooo Blonde:
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she thought Boyz ll Men was a day care center.
She Was Sooooooooo Blonde:
...she studied for a blood test.
...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
...she sold the car for gas money!
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left"
...so she turned around and went home.

(... und zum Trost, manchmal haben Dunkelhaarige auch gaaaanz "blonde" Tage)
Siebengscheit


You and meneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 23.06.2006 18:50:33

Your Problem ... My Situation

You're ill-tempered.
My nerves are bothering me.

You're prejudiced.
I happen to be a good judge of human nature.

You use flattery to get your way.
I encourage people.

You are unbearably slow and pokey.
I believe in quality workmanship.

You're a spendthrift.
I'm generous.

You stay in bed until 11 A.M. because you're a lazy good-for-nothing.
I stay in bed a little longer because I'm totally exhausted.


Great Truths about Lifeneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ishaa Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 23.06.2006 23:52:24

Great truths about life, that little children have learned:
1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5.You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
9. The best place to be when you're sad is Granpa's lap.


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