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Forum: "Something to laugh about 4"

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Auchneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 06.02.2008 22:50:52

englischsprachige Schüler habens drauf...

Undneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 06.02.2008 23:02:20

noch was...
Funny signs
Einige davon sind schon bekannt, aber viele hatten wir noch nie

Sterilizationneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 09.02.2008 20:24:53

I have two cowsneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: bernstein Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 10.05.2008 08:36:23

World Economics:


· You have two cows.

· You sell one and buy a bull.

· Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

· You retire on the income.


· You have two cows.

· You worship them.


· You don't have any cows.

· You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.

· You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for
Warplanes, Italy for
machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for
loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.

· You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the


· You have two cows.

· You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

· You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on
some nation with
cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind

· You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.


· You have two cows.

· You go on strike because you want three cows.


· You have two cows.

· You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month
and milk themselves.


· You have two cows.

· They are both mad cows.


· You have two cows.

· You don't know where they are.

· You break for lunch.


· You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

· You charge others for storing them.


· You have two cows.

· You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow
images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.


· You have two cows.

· You count them and learn you have five cows.

· You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

· You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.

· You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.


· You have two cows.

· You have 300 people milking them.

· You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone
reporting the actual numbers.


· You have two cows.

· You don't know economy.

· You choose one of them as the leader of your country and the other one
as the president.

................neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: bernstein Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 11.05.2008 22:51:29

A man arriving for the Grand Final in Melbourne is surprised to find the seat beside his empty. Tickets for the Grand Final are sold out weeks in advance and empty seats unknown. So he says to the man on the other side of the empty seat: "Excuse me, do you know why there is no one in this seat?"
"It was my wife's," answers the second man, a touch wistfully, "but I am afraid she died."
"Oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry."
"Yes, she never missed a match."
"But couldn't you have given the ticket to a friend or relative?"
"Oh no. They're all at the funeral."

Something about football - I got it via email...neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 29.06.2008 13:19:19

Things In Football That Sound Dirty
- But Aren't

- The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
- He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
- He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
- It's a game of inches.
- That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
- When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
- He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
- He found his tight end.
- End around.
- He had to stretch to get it in.
- He gets penetration in the backfield.
- He blows them off (at the line).
- He bangs it in.
- He could go all the way.
- He gets it off just in time.
- He goes deep.
- He found a hole and slid through it.
- He pounds it in.
- He beats them off (the line)
- He's got great hands

english pronunciation and spellingneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: bernstein Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.07.2008 20:12:49

When the English tongue we speak
Why is break not rhymed with weak?
Won't you tell me why it's true
We say sew, but also few?
And the maker of a verse
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard,
Cord is different from word,
Cow is cow, low is low,
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose and dose and lose,
And think of goose and yet of choose,
Think of comb and tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll and home and some.
And since pay is rhymed with say,
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood and food and good;
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Why is done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum it up, it seems to me
That sounds and letters don't agree.

Airplane Humourneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: flabbergasted Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 24.07.2008 12:07:34

Got this from someone somewhen. It's been sitting on my computer for ages. But some of it is too hilarious to be kept for oneself.

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."


A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm fucking bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"


A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"


Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."


One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know o ne's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to

Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- I was dropping things and didn't land."


While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "G-d! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cock pit around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"

Teachers vs. Educatorsneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: bernstein Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 21.08.2008 23:01:40

war bestimmt schon mal irgendwo drin....

Teachers vs. Educators

According to a news report, a private school in Washington was recently
faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls had begun to
use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but
after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the
mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance
man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called
all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance
man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major
problem for the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night
(you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the
maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and
cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on
the mirror.

There are teachers.... and then there are educators

Eigentlich eher traurig...;-)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 22.08.2008 14:52:49 geändert: 22.08.2008 15:37:42

Dies ist ein Beispiel aus dem Linkvorschlag, den ich heute hochgeladen habe und der sicher bald freigeschaltet wird.

Bitte 2. Video von oben anklicken. Ist ein Beitrag zu richtigem und falschem Englisch...

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