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Forum: "Something to laugh about 4"

Bitte beachte die Netiquette! Doppeleinträge werden von der Redaktion gelöscht.

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unusual pragraphneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ishaa Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.09.2006 21:45:00

It's not so difficult, given hint was good. I think I know it, do I?
ishaa


Almostneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.09.2006 21:50:26 geändert: 13.09.2006 21:56:16

but with still 1 small fault...


Ups, sorryneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: ishaa Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.09.2006 22:25:27

It's not so difficult. Hint I got was good.
Now I got it, right?

ishaa


Wow!!neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 13.09.2006 22:27:00

Fascinating!!


KINDER WAYS TO SAY "YOU'RE STUPID"neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 14.09.2006 19:28:15


He's sharp as a marble!

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Dumber than a box of hair.

Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

Body by Fisher - brains by Mattel.

Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt.

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by that of garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

His antenna doesn't pickup all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Strong, like a bear...Smart, like a tractor






Why Teachers Go Crazyneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: siebengscheit Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 15.09.2006 14:22:18



No wonder teachers go "crazy" with children...

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


Global villageneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 16.09.2006 00:07:12

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely
100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same,
it would look like something like the following:

There would be

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6
would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer

When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective,
the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes
glaringly apparent."

Phillip M Harter, MD, FACEP
Stanford University, School of Medicine



Leiderneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 16.09.2006 20:58:15

heute nix Neues.

Ich verbringe inzwischen ziemlich viel Zeit damit,neues Futter zu finden. Es sollen ja auch nicht nur so simple blöde Witze und Texte sein, sondern schon ein bisschen pfiffig, anspruchsvoll oder gar intellektuell - manchmal jedenfalls. Und davon hab ich nicht mehr viel.
Seit langer Zeit sind es hauptsächlich siebengscheit und ich, die diesen Thread füllen.

Deswegen Aufruf an alle Leser - und ich weiß, es gibt eine ganze Menge :

Wenn ihr nicht wollt, dass er stirbt, dann schickt neue Beiträge - bitte!!!




Hatten wir diesen schon?neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: rhauda Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 16.09.2006 22:43:52

Hell - Endothermic or Exothermic?

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."

This was the only student that got A


@ rhauda: Klasse!!neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 17.09.2006 10:09:09 geändert: 17.09.2006 10:09:32

Are You a Problem Thinker?

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.


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