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Forum: "Something to laugh about 4"

Bitte beachte die Netiquette! Doppeleinträge werden von der Redaktion gelöscht.

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:-))neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 28.04.2009 20:15:04



How to make a good partyneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 17.05.2009 00:33:31 geändert: 17.05.2009 00:34:43

Bildungsfernsehen von 1950..mein Geburtsjahr..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nvivEqxjsI

Vielleicht sollte man sich heute wieder auf diese Art von Party zurückbesinnen? Und alles ohne Besäufnis


Fly liceneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 10.08.2009 22:53:08



Inflationary languageneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 18.08.2009 19:02:49



Diary of a Snow Shovelerneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: pointpleasant Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 25.08.2009 19:32:58

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

javascript:copyit('ironie');

Author unknown
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma
Moses Print . So romantic we felt like newlyweds
again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place
in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt like a boy again. I did both our
driveway and the sidewalks . This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry,
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow
on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never
want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's
our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle
so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up
by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I
would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast . Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and
2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer . The wife
wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes
out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska,
after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice
in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was
very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had
to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to
do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate
her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my
own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all
day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find
a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see
about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might
have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will
have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's
so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took
me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got
undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too
tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow
on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he
says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she nuts !!! Why didn't she
tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack . If I
ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his
balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down
the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow
all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and
open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
goddamn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the
!=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of
shoveling makes my blood boil . God I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for
a donation and I hit him over the head with my
shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude . I
think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a
Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill
her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move
here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on
my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH
is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof
or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I
ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me
for a million dollars. The wife went home to her
mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white
pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the
bed?

1. Underline the idioms in the text.
2. Explain the metaphors and in what way are they
connected to the irony of the story?

I usually use this text shortly before the winter
break. The kids love it, at least the older ones;
grades 11 and up.


Teachers ;-)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: klexel Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 09.09.2009 20:09:06 geändert: 09.09.2009 20:11:52



Joke of the Day: Bill and Hillary and Alneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: michaelu Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 10.10.2009 08:25:33 geändert: 10.10.2009 08:29:13

G'day from downunder:
jeden Tag gibt es im TV Kanal 7 in Sydney (NSW, Australia) waehrend des Fruestuecksfernsehens den Joke of the Day, den jeder einsenden kann. Inzwischen gibt es davon schon gedruckte Sammlungen. Hier einer von den aelteren Witzen, von mir nacherzaehlt so gut das geht:


President Bill Clinton takes a stroll on the lawn of the White House. It is a winter morning, snow had fallen in the night before. Suddenly he sees the words "death to the president" written in the snow, and obviously somebody unrinated these words! The president is appalled, calls his security staff: "How could this happen? What are you here for? I want you to find out who did this to me!".
After a day or two his security officers report: "Mr. president, we have some bade news and some very bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?"
"Give me the bad news first"
"Well, we had the unrine analyzed, and it is definitely Al Gore's"
Bill Clinton: "How could he do this to me! And I trusted him so much! And the very bad news?"
Security: "Mr. president, the words bear definitly your wifes handwriting"


Well guys, that's what Aussies like to laugh about while listening to the morning newshour. Have a beaut arvo!


as I see itneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: bernstein Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 10.10.2009 10:23:29

Australian humour does not seem to be that different from English humour.


Joke of the day (2)neuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: michaelu Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 22.10.2009 22:34:15 geändert: 22.10.2009 23:31:04

Ebenfalls von mir nacherzaehlt, also seht mir mein Englisch nach.

The teacher announces:
"Tomorrow you will write an important exam. You have to turn up, there will be no excuses. Except, there is a nuclear explosion, or you are sick to the death, or your parents have died..., but nothing else!"
A student who thinks he is very clever asks, grinning slyly:
"But what if I cannot take the exam because of total sexual exhaustion?"
She looks at him, pauses, than smiles:
"You can write with your other hand"

Die Jokes sind in Paperback erschienen, z.B. der erste Band (daraus sind die obigen beiden Jokes):
Kochie's Best Jokes (Paperback)
by David Koch (Author)
Publisher: Woodslane Pty Ltd; New title edition (10 Aug 2005)
ISBN-10: 1875889787
ISBN-13: 978-1875889785

Habe ich ausser in Buchhandlungen in Sydney auch bei amazon.de gesehen.

Und so sieht David Koch, "Kochie" in den Nachrichten 7 Sunrise aus:
http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/sunrise/
Er ist der Erste von Links in der Reihe der 6 KollegINNen oben.

Oder ausführlich:
http://www.entertainoz.com.au/Celebrities/Television/David-Koch


joke of the day (3): Kids Say The Darndestneuen Beitrag schreiben zur Forenübersicht   Seitenanfang
von: michaelu Userprofil anzeigen Nachricht senden erstellt: 22.10.2009 23:13:58 geändert: 22.10.2009 23:15:19

Diesmal in Web Wombat, einer australischen Metasuchmaschine:
http://www.webwombat.com.au/entertainment/humour/
Dort "Joke of the Day" auswählen. Jetzt, 23:13, ist gerade dieser Witz drin, wörtlich wiedergegeben:

-------------------------------------------------
Kids Say The Darndest

Little 5 year old Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to
think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to
Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't
hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know, “Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the bastard."

698

-------------------------------------------------



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