What did dinosaurs have that no other animals ever had?
Baby dinosaurs.

Why do Tyrannosaurus Rex like to eat snowmen?
They melt in their mouth.

What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I’m stuffed.

What do you call a crocodile at the North Pole?
Lost.

TEACHER: Henry! Were you copying Susan’s sums?
HENRY: No! I was just seeing if she’d got mine right.

TEACHER: Henry! You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?
HENRY: Not very much.

TEACHER: Henry, make up a sentence with the word „lettuce“ in it.
HENRY: Let us out of school early.

TEACHER: Henry, I do wish you’d pay a little attention.
HENRY: Believe me, I’m paying as little as I can.

What’s got four legs and an arm?
A Rottweiler.

Doctor, Doctor, I think I need glasses.
You certainly do, sir. This is a flower shop.

VAMPIRE TO SON: You’re late. We had guests for dinner. They were delicious!

What did the vampire doctor say to his patients?
Necks please.

Ich hab mir vor einiger Zeit mal den Spaß gemacht, von mir geschriebene deutsche Sätze online ins Englische übersetzen zu lassen. Eins meiner Lieblingswörter ist dabei ZUG, denn im Deutschen gibt es so viele verschiedene Bedeutungen dafür, dass eigentlich jeder nicht-menschliche Übersetzer daran scheitern muss.
Hier das Ergebnis:

Die Luft in den Zügen war schlecht
Air in the courses was bad
The air in the trains was bad

Er schwamm in 10 Zügen durch das Becken
It swam in 10 courses by the basin
It swam in 10 trains through the basin

Er machte 2 Züge an der Zigarette
It made 2 courses at the cigarette
It made 2 trains at the cigarette

Er war matt in 10 Zügen
It was matte in 10 courses
It was dull in 10 trains

Seine Züge zeigten seine Trauer
Its courses showed its mourning
Its trains showed its sorrow


Die Züge kamen alle zu spät
The courses came all too late
The trains came everyone too late


Der Zug im Zimmer war unerträglich
The course in the room was intolerable
The train in the room was intolerable

Zug um Zug kamen sie sich näher
They approached themselves course around course
They came itself train around train more closely


Er trank das Glas in 3 Zügen aus.
It drank up the glass in 3 courses.
It drank the glass in 3 trains from.

Es wird wohl noh dauern, bis ein Computerprogramm den menschlichen Übersetzer verdrängen kann.

Meine Lieblings-online-Übersetzung ist ein Satz für Bauingenieure:

Die Leitung wurde umgelegt =
The management was killed.

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check.
By the way, don't worry about my Doberman. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances talk to my parrot!"
When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen.
But just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.
However, the parrot drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

Ich sehe, ich habe den joke zweimal reingestellt. Sorry, er lässt sich nicht mehr löschen!
m. gottheit

kleine anekdote über übersetzungsmaschinen erzählte mir einst ein lehrer, der eine facharbeit, in englischer sprache verfasst, korrektur lesen musste.
thema war terrorismus und in jeder 5. zeile las er am store, der schüler hatte wohl seine arbeit auf deutsch verfasst und sehr großes vertrauen gehabt...

na? wer war die hauptperson in der 'geschichte'???

gruß kataz

WHO IS JACK SCHITT???
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently!

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseparable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.
So, NOW if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!
In diesem Sinne: Have a nice week-end
m. gottheit

Bin Laden.

Waäre überigens ein vorzügliches "Bitte nicht stören Schild", wenn man im Internet Programme downloadetDa weiß dann jeder Bescheid, womit man sich beschäftigt.

Diesen Link hab ich schon mal geschickt, aber da wir gerade beim Thema sind:http://www.funrestarea.com/pages/snl_robert_deniro.shtml

eine kostprobe von http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr, grundlage war mein beitrag von gerade

a small anecdote over translation machines told me once a teacher, who writes a skilled work, in English language, correction to read had. topic was terrorism and in each 5th line read it at the net curtain, the pupil its work on German had probably written and very large to trust had... well? who was the main person in ' history '??? greeting kataz

sorry